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Helplessness

I’m in a place

With a man or woman standing above me

They look out along the horizon

I’m on a ledge hanging underneath them

They can’t see me

My mouth is parched; I can’t shout

They can’t hear me

I want to let go

I’m so alone that the birds watch me every second

The ground looks so comfortable

But I won’t give up

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Real Life Television


I would go through episodes voluntarily, as if some reward waited for me at the end.

But all that came was a false reality. I was literally running programs.

And the worst part was that I physically acted out these episodes until they were over, sparing no humility. I humiliated myself because I thought it was right, but my program was wrong, the only reason I kept going down these pathways was because they were the paths of least resistance – it was easy – but the problem was that I always reached a point of depression.

So that’s where following your thoughts gets you. It either gets you in trouble or nowhere at all. The reason is because the vision in our head does not always line up with life’s funny intricacies. We have to constantly be battling what bothers us. If we allow negative things to come into our lives, that is the side we’ll become polarized with. I’ll tell you, following your thoughts down the rabbithole gets you nowhere but depressed and alone. You need a reality to post up with. If all you follow are dreams, you’ll knock down the pillars that hold up reality. Point said.

I used to get so involved with things that bothered me because I was convinced I could make things right. All that did was leave me broken, and the problem was still there! Now, when we try to fix things, we might go to great lengths to ensure it get’s done. Anybody ever detail the inside of a car from start to finish? Well, I’ll tell you I have and my arms were starting to get real shaky at the end. I ran out of sugar – I didn’t nurture myself. What could have been an enjoyable chore turned out to be something I never wanted to do again! So that’s why we should nurture ourselves, so we can keep up with our busy, busy lives and come back the next day!

So, before every thought I had today I asked myself “do I want an episode out of this?” or, “is this an episode?”. Constantly I was on this, all day. But it worked! My entire day went smoothly because I was watching my moods. When I realized that my moods were just reactions to situations, I never made the opportunity for a situation to come up! It’s really that simple!

That’s all I have for you today, folks. I’m leaning toward focusing this blog as a recovery from depression page. I always wanted to see somebody’s real journey from depressed to successed (coined) so I guess I’ll just have to be the one that goes ahead and does it!

As a closer:

You cannot ignore what’s around you. You can’t just “watch an episode” and have it be okay in the end. No, our actions have repercussions.